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therapy.
Hearing people tell you how going to therapy is a breath of fresh air and has solved all of their problems and makes them feel like they can conquer the world... is all true! Therapy is powerful. It guarantees change which is something we all need in order to grow. It's euphoric in a way. Therapy can and will have that effect on just about everyone who seeks it. But I think it's about time someone tells you what therapy also looks like:
CRYING: you're gonna cry, even if it's not something that you do!
EMBARRASSMENT: there will be moments when you feel like your "story" or "situation" is embarrassing and you'll cringe at the fact that you even spoke on it
VULNERABLE: you'll come to find yourself softening up and sharing/feeling more than usual, things will start to come up that trigger you unexpectedly
DRAINED: sharing and releasing and discovering a ton of things on a consistent basis is draining! you will feel exhausted after most sessions and while navigating all of this new and uncomfortable information
ANGER / FRUSTRATION: not getting the results you want when you want them... ugh. you're gonna want to heal and you're gonna want to do so fast but that's just not how this thing works and that's okay
MOODY: uncapping all of those emotions and being introduced to new ones is something your mind and body aren't used to, outside of therapy you will be irritable and all over the place... you're just adjusting
SCARED: this shit is scary and the more you grow in therapy the scarier it becomes, you'll question whether you're ready for this new way of feeling and thinking and acting, will this shit even work?
INSECURE: having to share and sometimes overshare about things you don't like about yourself, your life, your job, your finances, your family, your health... to a complete stranger... yea
ASHAMED: admitting you needed help to friends and family and that you aren't as strong as you seem to be is hard, you'll feel as if you're being dramatic and could've solved this problem in a less invasive way
IMPOSTER SYNDROME: therapy will make you feel undeserving of any and everything, you'll assume it is a sign of weakness and disqualifies you from success or praise
IDENTITY CRISIS: you won't recognize yourself sometimes... like, who is this person feeling all of these things? you're constantly shapeshifting
BEING MUTE: you won't always have something to say, every session will not be a breakthrough
Therapy can feel amazing and terrible simultaneously.
The two can definitely coexist.
Everyone experiences it differently.
Keep trying until you find a therapist that sticks, that's okay.
Therapy doesn't end suffering, but it makes it easier to withstand.
Therapy also isn't just for those who are suffering, you can feel perfectly fine and still seek therapy.
Therapy is not a "white medicine".
Some have been in therapy for 3 years, others for 30.
There is no expiration date to therapy, which is comforting ... and also scary.
Black therapists exist.
Just go.
Resources:
SistaAfya
College Campus Health Centers (all students have access to "free" counseling in college, you've already paid for it)
NAMI